Top Ten Off-Color Funny Jewish Money Thoughts

10) With Greece, Portugal, Spain, and what now looks to be Italy on the verge of national bankruptcy, it seems as if, 65 years after the Holocaust, Europe is finally feeling the aftereffects of a serious lack of Jewish accountants.

9) You can’t spell Bernanke without Banker.

8) You can’t spell Grynszpan at all. That’s why he had it changed to Greenspan.

7) Israel has no natural resources, and yet it is the only country in the entire Middle East that has a balanced budget. It must be because of all the humanitarian flotilla aid we get all the time from concerned countries.

6) Perhaps our fiscal sanity has to do with the fact that we actually work very hard considering that we all have the mentality that everyone wants to kill us, and therefore we have to survive by working our butts off and keeping the waters at bay. Consider this Jewish humor blog, for example. It’s hard work.

5) Europe, on the other hand, thinks they can have their people work 4 days a week, retire at 55, get free healthcare and top it off with a lollypop after every doctor’s visit and not go into debt by taxing the living daylights out of everything that moves. Yes we can!

4) 80% of the Palestinian Authority’s gross domestic product consists of foreign aid, 100% of which is used to pay salaried Palestinian Authority employees. Less than 1% of Israel’s gross domestic product consists of foreign aid, 75% of which can only be spent in America to create jobs there. Israel is chided as “your American tax dollars at work.”

3) In an attempt to change my address for my American bank account, I went online, had an online chat session with a Bank of America representative, and told her to change my address. She said of course, and changed it. My American address now appears on all of my American checks.

2) In an attempt to change my address for my Israeli bank account, I went to a branch and asked that they change my address, which they did. Then I ordered checks, assuming my new address would appear on my new checkbook. It didn’t. So I went to another branch and changed my address there, again, which they did, again. I asked them why the change didn’t register here. They said it was because I did it at a different branch. I asked them if my new address would appear on my checks from now on. They said it wouldn’t, because the checking system and the address system are different systems. I asked them what I had to do to change the address on my checks. They said that if it doesn’t get changed the next time I order checks, come and see them. I said I’m already here, and I’m telling you now. They said they couldn’t do anything and told me to come back later.

1) In Israel, it is illegal to use checks with outdated information on them, such as an incorrect address.

0) In Israel, checkbooks cost 7 shekels.